In an imperfect world, having conflict is a given. Life is an educational time given to us to acquire the skills our Lord will need from us in His kingdom. We're not there yet, so what do we do in the meantime?
The reality of living in the here and now is dealing with the frustration and anger which pressures us to act, mostly without the illumination of knowing the end results of our actions. The passionate feelings driving us to distraction come from not understanding or being in control of what it is that we face. Conflict happens when events and the resulting negative emotions have escaped our limited ability to restrain them. Conflict is an opportunity to choose between many possibilities in an effort to alleviate the situation. If we haven't learned anything when it's over, then we've suffered in vain.
What are some things we can try during a disagreement? It's good to think of them ahead of time and remember to use them during arguments. Our reasoning ability escapes us during times of turmoil. (We don't think very well when we're mad!)
1. There's always (figuratively speaking)murder and mayhem (violence). Don't all of us have times that we enjoy the entertainment of considering it (just temporarily) as a possible solution? (If this type of solution seems reasonable to you during an argument, TURN AND WALK AWAY!) Sigh! Jesus said to be good to those who are mean to you. Maybe it's because he knew before the rest of us that violence is only a temporary solution, that it doesn't actually teach anybody anything. It actually continues or worsens the emotional and physical situation.
2. Name calling seems like a good way to express frustration (and is practically involuntary). I mean, you're not actually hurting anybody, are you? Yet Jesus said that calling your brother a fool puts you in danger of hellfire. How could he be so unreasonable? After all, isn't your brother not listening to you? Yet someone has to make the sacrifices of righteousness and be the one to start listening. So then you wind up thinking through your trashy attitude and his also. (Lord help us) what did you learn from all that? (That maybe your brother has a good point?)
3. Then there is my own area of expertise: stubborness. Who can possibly argue (or conflict) with someone who refuses to engage (intellectually or otherwise)? An intransigent character is nothing if not implacable, cold, and immoveable. We just outwait the drama experts. As far as I'm concerned, stubborness is highly underrated as a coping mechanism. I like to think of it as integrity with a bad rap. Yet, how can someone who refuses to discuss an item of concern possibly learn anything new about it? Learning involves changing and I have a huge quotation(that I copied) on my fridge from Dr. Laura Schlessinger saying how stupid we are to be so afraid of change.
4. Strange as it may seem, I have not yet exhausted the possible responses to another's anger. There is one more. We can thank the good Lord for a learning opportunity, or the chance to further His kingdom by being an exhibition of Christ's character. While we are thanking Him, we should be praying for His will to be done (while also fervently requesting that he make us premier students of whatever the situation is supposed to be teaching us: To get it over with). The miracles that happen as a result of this type of response are rewarding to see.
Disclaimer: Added so that readers will not feel that I am a proponent of violence. I view violence as the refuge of the intellectually challenged.
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