More things my son has taught me (by being like me).  

Victimhood feels empowering because we think it gives us the right to control someone else, but what it’s really doing is denying our agency to change ourselves, and putting our focus “out there” instead of on self awareness. We become the void, empty and without strength. We give away our actual power. My son is doing what I’ve always done, in that he is cutting off the judgement of others on himself by denying them access to himself, but what is that but trying to make himself the judge and god of his universe (same as me). No, others don’t have “the right” to judge us, but God may be using them, to bring awareness to us, of how we are not aligned to His will, in how we communicate, in our responses. We cannot learn these things He wants us to know, if we deny His healing power in our lives, if we deny Him access by refusing to BELIEVE what He says (because we think we are smarter than God and want everything our way). We cannot understand what God is saying when we are defending ourselves (or defending the disfunction of another, what enabling is). We tend to think that finding fault elsewhere makes us the righteous one. That is just pride and self protection. This is all of why my comfort zone is being the “quiet one” in social situations, being the observer, instead of a participant, because then I am (hopefully) not judged by others, and my anger is not on display for them to give unwelcome feedback. 

Which brings to mind how my husband responds to my hostile reactions, trying to shame me for my angry replies to, what seems to me, to be contempt for how I do things (thinking of the blanket position on the bed, and his “see how you are?” phrasing of it). He is justifying himself, and I am explaining myself and never the twain shall meet. 

This is not the connection we so very much need. God does not respond to us this way, when we question Him or disagree, but with grace and patience. God asks us questions to bring to US self awareness and the truth of who we are. We cannot grow unless we operate from a foundation of absolute truth (in our inward thinking of who we are, our identity). Then we have the base from which we can operate with faith and confidence, when we know who we are.  As the saying goes, “How we treat others is a reflection of how we see ourselves.”

All our knowledge must be verified through His Word, by a thorough knowledge of His revelation to us. “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” “I have hidden Thy word in my heart, that I might not sin against Thee.” “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” “The words of the Lord are like silver, tried in the furnace seven times.” He speaks to is first in the Word, before He speaks to us in the rest of our lives.

Anyways, our accountability is to God, not to other people (or even our children). He is the source of our identity. When  someone has a complaint against us, we should be listening for His Voice, and looking for His Face. Choose to learn from Him in all circumstances. Walk out your calling freely with His authority, within sight and hearing of Him. “If you only do what you can, you will only be what you already are.” So work towards thinking the way HE does, as Jesus said, “If you can receive it.” Love is voluntary! (Don’t even get me started on gratitude!)